The Harmful Effects of Social Conformity

Conformity. Something we've been trying to avoid for ages, something that destroys autonomy, something that enhances cookie cutter molds and oppresses the minorities. No matter where we go or how far we try to stay away from it, conformity always seems to show its ugly face time and time again. It's present from the day you're born to the day you die. If you don't learn at the same pace, if you splash in one too many mud puddles, if you think too much inside or outside of the box, or if you at all in any way don't fit the mold, you're different and bad and strange. 

Authors have written numerous novels about fighting it, people have fought endlessly to suppress it on a government level, but they fail to fight the social conformity. We fail to realize that dressing similarly, thinking the same way, and generally following the crowd because we don't want to "rock the boat" mean that we're only promoting such a harmful way of life. Why is conformity so harmful? What's so wrong about the masses being united for the same cause? What's so wrong with everyone fitting the same mold? What's so wrong with thinking and looking and speaking the same? Everything. It doesn't allow individuality to progress, it doesn't allow new ideas in the system, it doesn't allow progress.

In Ayn Rand's novel, The Fountainhead (which I sorrowfully admit I have never finished,) conformity destroys the progress of architecture. In A Brave New World, conformity destroyed morality. In The Giver, conformity destroyed emotions. You get the point? Conformity destroys all things we hold sacred as humans. With conformity, we descend down to the ranks of mere animals, following the paths of those before us without a questioning glance back. 

One of the things I love about being of the LDS faith is the emphasis on individuality, on how we were each different in the pre-mortal life and we each have a different path. Back home, this was very true. In Young Women's, there was a profound emphasis on individuality. Here at BYU, the story is different. Listening to different conversations, I hear individuals criticized because they're 20 and at home, they've got tattoos, or they aren't baby hungry. Students are looked down on for doing homework on Sundays, drinking Dr. Pepper or Coke, for not having the same exact standards as every single other individual. The Church emphasizes that things like the Word of Wisdom and other doctrine are for the individual, how each one interprets it is different. I may decide to drink Dr. Pepper and someone else might not. Many students here expect others to conform; if they don't, there's something wrong with them. If they decide to go on a mission around the same time their boyfriend leaves, it must be because she just wants to be safe with the waiting, not because she's received revelation about it. If a boy doesn't go on his mission, it's because he's sinned, not because he has health related problems. Harsh judgement often follows social conformity, because differences are seen as wrongs, instead of differences.

Social conformity is extremely common, not just up at BYU, as many would believe. Social conformity is in anything that involves other individuals. I remember being attacked at TFA State in debate because I decided to debate traditionally, rather than progressively. Debaters are berated if they decide disclosure is bad, and attacked if they try to go to the different side. Our verbal Hunger Games of belittling and berating has evolved into something so awful that individuals will break up their personality, their individuality to fit the mold and not be attacked. This needs to be remedied. 

I don't have all the answers or even most of them. All I know is that conformity is the most destructive of all the social ills, as it requires individuals to forget who they are down beneath the cut out, requiring different opinions to be shut down as soon as they are brought up, and society to stagnate. Fixing it will be a challenge, but we can all start by practicing tolerance. Tolerance of other beliefs, standards, and ideas is essential for anything to be done about the harmful weed that is conformity.

Saint's Past V. Sinner's Future

Over the past semester here at BYU, I've begun to notice several things. First, it's an extremely spiritual place and I love it. Next, it's pretty conservative. Finally, it seems sometimes, around some people, that if you have done wrong in the past/have a different interpretation than the majority, or just generally think differently, you're usually wrong. As much as I love my school, this is my main gripe. Sometimes, as a human being, it's hard to feel good about yourself if you don't fit the cookie cutter mold. Several of my friends in my Woman's Studies class have expressed this exact sentiment, because they either plan on graduating unmarried, aren't baby hungry, or don't really want to go on a mission. I find it comforting and sad at the same time that this is happening to several of us students. It's a bit hard to develop as a person when constantly being treated a bit differently because of different views.

Nevertheless, BYU is one of my favorite places and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I love this campus, mainly because of the beautiful lessons learned in my Book of Mormon class, as well as the wonderful spirit it has. A common saying is that the Church's teachings and beliefs are perfect, but the people aren't. That's something I've had to learn, and I know it applies just as much to me as anyone else. However, many students here have a perspective that everyone has to be perfect and if you have a little mess up, you're not worthy. That's not just students judging others- that's people judging themselves. Something all BYU kids need to be reminded of is the saying "every saint has a past and ever sinner has a future." Being here reminds me of the sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." While I know my Heavenly Father isn't angry, I do know that we all sin. We are all that way, as there was only one perfect person.

Just because someone sins differently than another or because someone's past was different, doesn't mean that their future path will be something to be looked down upon. One of my favorite things about the Book of Mormon is that no matter how many times the Nephites or Lamanites fall and get back into the pride cycle, they can always repent and get back onto the path. While there may have been judgement, it was never recorded in the scriptures. Every person was seemingly welcomed back on the path. As students at BYU, this is a pattern we need to follow. We must remember that in order to be good Christians, judging needs to be eliminated. We need to be able to let each individual struggle and do as they please, and not push their standards on others.

Penguins: Cannibalistic or Bionic?

*Disclaimer: As far as I know, penguins are neither cannibals or bionic. I do not mean to confuse with the clever title! This post is not about the secret lives of penguins!*

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been coaching a group of fifth graders for an upcoming robotics program at BYU. One of my favorite things is hearing their conversations, since they are always off the wall, out of the box, and completely different than anything I've heard. Today’s topics were completely random, changing at least five times a minute, and the kids were bouncing off the walls, something I attribute to the snow. Some of my favorite comments include:

“I bet you can’t eat with maracas.”

“I’d rather eat a penguin than a lamb, because lambs are cute.”

“What if we gave it laser beams and had it destroy the entire school?!?!”

I love these kids to pieces, not only because they are hilarious, but also because they are smart. Each of them are at least bilingual, thanks to several immersion schools in the area, but also working on a third or fourth language. Two kids are have built or are in the process of building their own computers, one already is learning C++, and the only girl was a young fourth grader, but skipped up to fifth grade. These kids use terms that I haven’t even learned yet, and when they list their accomplishments, I wonder what on Earth I was doing when I was a fifth grader, other than reading like crazy.

But other than just making me feel like I didn't do anything as a fifth grader, these kids are teaching me important lessons. Already the group roles have been defined. We have one outspoken, somewhat eccentric, headstrong builder; one who is content to not work with the group and do what needs to be done; one who brainstorms; one who conceptualizes the actual design; and our bouncer, who is content to go where ever she is needed. They've taught me that over time, we all fall into our own roles.  More importantly than that lesson is one that I was taught today. It reminded me of a situation in the Book of Mormon as well. Here’s the story:

   In Helamen 1, we’re told of a father who died, leaving the three eldest sons to decide who should rule.       Now, it was customary in those times to put it to a vote, and the eldest brother won. When the middle brother found out, he rallied his followers in support of the eldest, however, the youngest plotted and worked to get the eldest assassinated.

While there was no murder or plots of murder with my kids today, there was still the same basic story. The kids were trying to decide on a new team name. The majority went for the name “Penguins,” and the only thing left was what type of Penguins we were. The outspoken student realized that no matter what, we weren't going to go with his team name, so he talked as loud as he could during the entire meeting, calling out “Cannibalistic Penguins!!!” On the opposite side, the quiet-sit-in-the-corner-and-work individual decided to make the executive decision and end all votes.

This lesson really resonated with me. I’m not too much of a team player, and I had to reflect and ask myself which of the two brothers and two students I acted like when I was voted down. I believe that this is an extremely important lesson for everyone to learn, not just Mormons or students, but every single person, especially our politicians. *wink wink* Next time I’m in a group setting, I’ll make sure to decide who I should be: Cannibal or Bionic Penguin?

The Verbal Hunger Games

   My friend Rebecca came over today, and as usual, we had a deep conversation about many things. Like most of our discussions, we turned to something we both love. This time, it happened to be the Young Adult novel, The Hunger Games. This is one of my favorite series ever, as it is both interesting and thought provoking. As we both discussed different themes that came up over the book, Rebecca made an extremely profound comment. "You know, we're in our own Hunger Games now." I looked at her puzzled, confused by this comment, wondering how we could be doing such a thing. "Although we don't actually kill people,"  she continued,  "we kill people with our words, fighting to be the last one standing."

   This idea made me think about the past eight to ten years, where words had their biggest effect. I remember being bashed for being smart, made fun of for not looking like others, and called a 'nerd' and 'loser' for the longest time. Those bullies were fighting for their social life, to put themselves as the victor, much like all of the tributes. But the analogy doesn't just stop there, in one person's life. Our Hunger Games extends out into the realm of the social sphere, into Hollywood, and into the world.

   How often do we turn on the TV and see shows that point out the flaws in someone? Turn on Disney Channel, and several of the characters, even the main ones, are belittled. Switch over to any news station, and the reports are pretty much just the same; cut down the other side, point out their flaws.Why do we watch "The Bachelor(ette)," "Dance Moms," "Bridezillas," "E!," "Fashion Police," "The Biggest Loser," and countless others? Because as a society, we strive to cut down the other guy, to make them feel as worthless as possible so that we can come out on top. The focus of shows like "Dance Moms" isn't to show the dedication of these moms' to their daughters' desires, no. It's to make money, to keep the masses satisfied by the verbal Hunger Games everyone participates in. Turn on Disney Channel, and several of the characters, even the main ones, are belittled. Switch over to any news station, and the reports are pretty much just the same; cut down the other side, point out their flaws. 

   Our world has transcended into a place where the only way to feel good is to cut someone down, where we are amused by the littlest flaw of anyone, where we are satisfied by the trivial. Many people don't care about Benghazi, about what's going on in the Senate. They are exactly like the masses of Panem, content to sit out their days on their couches, being spoon fed their verbal desires, making sure that they believe they remain the victor. 

   When will we rise up and take a stand against such subliminal tyranny? No, it isn't the tyrannical government, but the tyrannical populace. If you don't agree with the majority, you're an outcast, you're made fun of, you're destroyed. If you don't conform, you aren't worth a dime in the public mind. Yes, people who make a change in the world are often applauded, but how often? Every day? Every month? Every year? And how often afterwards are they cut down because of some past mistake or because they decided to wear something that wasn't 'right?' 

   When will this all stop? When will the citizens' become tired of such degrading treatment? Will it be when everyone looks and thinks and acts almost exactly alike or will it be when more people like Jennifer Lawrence, who played Katniss, take a stand against our verbal 'Capital?' Change will only come when we decide who we want to be: Revolutionaries or Tributes and citizens of Panem?

The Search for Faith

So here we go. My first 'official' blog post.

Let's just lay down some ground information. I'm not a blogger. I don't know how these work or what I'm supposed to do to make a great or even half decent post. But, I at least have to try, right? And if this all falls on my face and this entry becomes nothing but my ramblings, I can start over? Oh, wait, this is the Internet.

I guess the real reason I'm doing this blog is A) Because I've always wanted to; B) It should get the creative juices flowing; C) Because my religion professor suggested it; D) Because I want to document my progress throughout the remainder of my time here at BYU and possibly longer. A lot of the people in my ward blog and I always find them interesting and uplifting. But I'm not doing this for you guys. I'm doing it for me. And maybe later on, I'll do it for you guys too, if there are enough people to actually do that.

So, I'm back here at BYU after a too short two week break back in Texas. As I reflect on the later half of 2013, I think of the struggles I had. I came to BYU expecting life to be easy, as there were as many members here in Utah as there were nonmembers back home. But it turns out that I was quite wrong. I struggled with my testimony almost more than I had back home. Sure, I believed that the Book of Mormon was true and I believed that Heavenly Father knew me personally, but I didn't know. And when I sat in my religion class, listening to all the other students talking about these amazing insights, about how strong their own testimonies were, about how they had received such conformation of Gospel doctrine, I started to ask a lot of questions, the main one being "Do I have enough faith?"
Growing up in the Church, I had always assumed that I had faith. I paid my tithing, went to Church, fulfilled my callings, bore my testimony. I did the same things when I got up here, but something was different. I had started questioning my own faith, not because of what I felt, but because of how others' did. I started wondering if I was good enough for Heavenly Father, if I had enough trust in Him, if He was disappointed because I wasn't as strong in the faith as my other classmates. That way of thinking was so harmful to my spiritual development, nevertheless, it continued unchecked for quite a while.

How did I finally stop this downward self-criticizing spiral? I realized that the only person's spirituality that matters is MINE. Not my friends', not my roommates', not even my sister's, but mine. Just because I didn't know that every bit of Gospel doctrine was true didn't mean that I couldn't have faith and believe in it. In fact, Alma 32:21 perfectly acknowledges this fact. It reads "And now as I said concerning faith-- faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."

So I don't have to have a perfect knowledge; I just have to be willing to search and hope and try to understand and find my own conformation. Throughout the chapter, Alma continually repeats that faith is not a perfect knowledge, that children can have as much faith as adults without as much knowledge, that faith is a feeling of peace. Faith is something that the most undereducated to most literate man (and woman) can have. This is the beauty of the Gospel, as it is not confined to one class, race, or even level of intelligence. Faith is available to all who diligently seek after it.

As I continue my second semester at BYU (or 'Mormon school,' as my non-member friends like to call it), I'll work on keeping this in mind. No matter how many experiences my classmates have, the only ones that matter are my own.


And since I really don't know how to end a blog post, here it is. THE END